You’re standing there, awkward, embarrassed. Someone you know—a friend, an acquaintance—has surprised you with a Christmas present. And you didn’t get them anything.

Maybe they view your relationship differently, or maybe they’re just generous. It doesn’t really matter at this point. Our culture tells us we should have bought them something too.

I grew up with this mentality. If someone invited my parents to dinner, they felt pressured to invite them back. This was a huge source of stress, since my mom didn’t exactly practice hospitality, she entertained. It was a big production and everything had to be perfect. I got the sense that she was more concerned with the ham, o’gratin potatoes, and peas coming out exactly right than with our friends having an enjoyable evening.

All that didn’t matter, though. The important thing was to reciprocate.

Continue reading →