You’re going to hate me. I’ve already finished all my Christmas shopping. The gifts are wrapped, and most of them have already been delivered. I can barely believe it myself. Now I’m looking forward to spending December focused on other aspects of Christmas —putting up some decorations, meditating on the birth of Jesus, and perhaps baking our family’s favorite Christmas cookies.

(Okay, I’m bragging. I just happened to be extra motivated this year. We traveled a long distance to spend Thanksgiving with most of the people we exchange gifts with, and I wanted to haul everything in the car with me to save on shipping costs.)

Since I get to relax a bit, I thought I’d be helpful and dig up some gift ideas for everyone else. If you have people on your list who are impossible to buy for, let these… unique… ideas inspire you. Or not.

Very Ugly Christmas Sweater – Grandpa Cardigan

“Celebrate the joy of Christmas with this Instagrammable Christmas crewneck sweater. Perfect pullover to wear to the annual ugly sweater party or to give as a gift. Celebrate Christmas and get a laugh or two out of your friends and family when you walk in the room.”

Ugly Christmas Sweaters are all the rage, and this is by far the worst I’ve seen, anywhere. You’ll be assured of winning any contests, not to mention scaring the kids.

30 – 1 Inch Snowman Noses

“I am pleased to offer you some of my charming, handcrafted, polymer snowman noses.” Yup, thirty fake carrots, carefully handmade out of polymer clay by an obviously  talented crafter. What great stocking stuffers! Just think of all the things you could do with them—you could make 30 tiny snowmen. You could plant them in a fairy garden. You could place them in a bowl on the kitchen counter and watch people try to eat them.

Cat Sushi Keychains

Christmas Custom Heart Socks

The website proclaims: “These socks are perfect to show off yourself or a loved one with a cool tropical vibe!” Yes, you can get in the spirit of the season by wearing these socks with your face on them.

Christmas Family Matching Pajamas Baby Kids Adult Sleepwear

“It is two pieces/onesie striped for parents, kids and babies, casual but fashionable. Just put them on with your belove [sic] one.”

I found a number of these matching Christmas jammies, and this was my favorite. I can see how this could become a family tradition, although you’d have to keep sizing up as the kids grow. Just pray that the house doesn’t catch on fire that night, and no one else will ever have to know.

Shark Attack Salt and Pepper Shakers

How can you pass up these hand-painted ceramic salt and pepper shakers, sure to gain the attention of everyone at the table. The accompanying text explains, “Embedded magnets keep your shakers adjoined so it appears shark is biting foot.” And if you’re concerned that the recipient might be bothered by picking up a severed limb to season their food, just think—you’re thoughtful gift might lower both their sodium intake and their blood pressure!

I hope you’ve found these suggestions helpful. And please note that while I already have all the sweaters, snowman noses, keychains, socks, and PJs that I can use, there’s always chocolate.