Relationships

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Come Back Soon!

[To our recent house guests: I wrote this before you arrived! Really! We loved having you. Please come back soon!]

We live in Colorado Springs, tourist mecca and home of a zillion non-profits. We’re empty nesters, with two spare bedrooms. Put those together, and it’s easy to see why we’re the top “hotel” choice for many of our ministry friends.

Mind you, we love having visitors. We get to see old friends who live out of town, and we’ve made numerous new friends by offering a room to people we don’t yet know. Paul admonishes believers to practice hospitality (maybe because we need practice to get it right), and we find it a joy and a blessing.

However…

Not all house guests are created equal. We’ve had guests so wonderful that we cried when they had to leave. We have also entertained Guest-zilla—you probably have too. Here’s a few suggestions on how to behave so that “Come back soon!” accompanies your departure.

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Weird Relations

The holidays are coming, and with them, the relatives.

For most of the year, we get to choose the people we hang out with. My close friends are my friends for a reason. I admire them, enjoy their company, trust them with my struggles and celebrate their successes. Usually, they meet a need in my own life—I have birding friends, gardening friends, “deep topics” friends and friends who provide an unending source of encouragement.

Relatives, on the other hand, just… are.

Sure, we pick our spouses. Parents, siblings, and extended family, on the other hand, we are stuck with. They just sort of come with the territory. We may enjoy some of these relations, but every family has at least one weird aunt, uncle, parent, whatever.

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People of Church

Forget “People of Walmart.” Try “People of Church.” While I haven’t seen anyone at my church wearing four-sizes-too-small glowing pink-and-purple spandex, we are definitely a motley bunch. In any church (and especially one as large as ours) there are bound to be some “interesting” people.

Some are exuberant worshipers, dancing in the aisles, while others refuse to even lip-sync the words, standing with arms folded across their chests. We have Mohawks and buzz cuts, long haired hippies and intimidating (until you get to know them) bikers in their church leathers. Maybe we even have you!

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Engaging Thoughts

Last week I asked for your opinions about engagements and betrothals. Is an engagement necessary? What does the Bible have to say on this topic? What benefits do we get from spending some time promised but not married? How long should the wait be, and why?

Several people commented that being engaged gives people time to seriously work through issues they had avoided until then.  I agree—and thought of a few more things. Here is what I came up with on this subject.

It helps to realize that for the most part, God is silent on how long this waiting period needs to be. The Bible describes cultural norms that called for a period of time between a betrothal and actually living together. While Paul (who strongly urged believers to stay single for the sake of the Gospel) told the Corinthians that it’s better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor. 7:9), there are no instructions on the proper length of engagements (a modern construct) or betrothals.

So what are we to do? In our culture, most people are engaged for some period of time between making a decision to wed and actually making life-long vows. There are definite benefits we gain during this time.

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Celebrating an Engage-a-versary

Thursday is September 30, which just happens to be Pete’s and my “engage-a-versary.” Yup, thirty-two years ago this week, my husband and I got engaged. It didn’t quite go like in the movies. In fact, we more or less got engaged that day by accident.

Mind you, we were already planning to get married. We’d been talking about it since spring. Pete had even formally proposed that summer—in a field of wildflowers on the slopes of Washington’s Mt. Rainier. We had then asked my best friend if she’d be my maid of honor, as she was moving out of state and I wanted to talk to her in person. But the engagement wasn’t official, and we hadn’t talked to anyone else.

Wanting to honor his parents, Pete called to ask them for their advice—what sorts of things should we be considering in making this very important decision? He particularly wanted to give his dad a chance to express his opinion. His dad was noted for having strong opinions when his offspring were considering marriage.

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Cheap Fun

We sure complain about the high costs of health care, but did you know that the average American spends about the same amount (5.6% of their income) on fun? Yet no one complains about skyrocketing entertainment prices!

That’s right. According to Visual Economics, the average American earns  just over $50,000 per year. Of that,  around $2,800 goes to amuse ourselves. It’s nearly the same as we spend on healthcare (5.9%, almost $3,000) and much more than we give away to charity (3.4%, $1,700).

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A Little Advice for Couples: Secrets

Central to every couple is the issue of communication… and central to the ability to connect is the issue of disclosure. I’ve learned a lot about God’s view of secrets this summer. He hates them.

The Bible is full of examples of God having secrets, ranging from the mystery of his plan for mankind to the timing of the Second Coming. There are even cases of God telling people to keep secrets. Those aren’t the kind of secrets I’m talking about here.

The secrets that God hates are those we think we are keeping from Him—or sins we are hiding from one another. God assures us that nothing can be hidden from His sight. Jeremiah 23:24 reads, “’Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the Lord. ‘Do not I fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.” If we think we’re keeping secrets from God, we are only fooling ourselves.

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A Little Advice for Couples: Submission

The theme for this summer has been “relationships.” Several dear friends are joyfully falling in love, while another close couple is at risk of falling out of it. Those who are unmarried are contemplating marriage. The two who are married are in danger of separation.

Maybe it’s the gray hairs, maybe it’s our 31 years of marriage (and we still like one another!), but Pete and I are being asked for wise counsel in all these relationships. I count this a huge responsibility, and I’ve spent a lot of time begging God to direct my words. (I’m especially asking for godly wisdom, the courage to pass on what He tells me, and a lot of love for everyone involved.)

In the middle of all this relating, I’ve come to realize that there are some commonalities. I would like to address two critical issues in particular: submission and secrets. Today I focus on submission.

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Be a Tourist!

1987 SD Black Hills 156Summer weather is finally here, and it’s time for some fun. After last week’s post about leaving your comfort zone, here are some suggestions to motivate you to pack your bags.

As a California kid riding along in the back seat of our family station wagon, I’d often see cars with bumper stickers advertising the Trees of Mystery, with its huge statues of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox plunked down in the middle of the redwoods. Other signs beckoned you to visit the Santa Cruz Mystery Spot, where the law of gravity has been repealed.

As I got older, I regularly drove from my home in Silicon Valley to my parent’s house south of LA. A major milestone along the way was the Casa de Fruita, with its prolific billboards advertising a can’t-miss opportunity to enjoy a variety of dried fruit. Over the years, the place expanded, adding the Casa de Restaurant, Casa De Gas (and Casa de Diesel), Casa De Diner, Casa De Vino , and the Casa De RV Park. Apparently, there is now a Casa De Petting Zoo, complete with a Casa De Cow, Casa De Buffalo and Casa De Camel. Unbelievable. Located along Hwy. 152 south of San Jose (near Hollister), the parking lot is always full of out-of-state license plates and tour buses. Clearly the owners have a good thing going.

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Oblivious

“Oh! Flowers! How long has that been there?” It had just registered with my absent-minded husband that a pot of blooming daffodils was sitting on our normally empty stair landing. It had been there for several days, but I was still impressed. Usually he doesn’t notice such things at all.

Let’s just say that Pete isn’t the most observant guy around. This used to bother me greatly. I would buy a new outfit (a very rare occurrence, since I really hate to shop). When exaggerated mannerisms didn’t work, I resorted to more desperate ploys. “Sweetie—notice anything different?”

He would invariably answer, “Nice haircut.”

It got to be a joke. Rearrange the living room. “Nice haircut.” Paint the white hallway a lovely shade of peach. “Nice haircut.” Replace the photographs in the frames over our couch. “Nice haircut.”

In fact, the only change I could make that wouldn’t elicit “nice haircut” was to actually cut my hair.

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